Blinkie the wandering rabbit

Yes, I know: yesterday we had a scene of domestic tetchiness; today we have a story about a rabbit with a sweet name. But I did say that, if anyone requested a story on something, I would promise to respond. The rabbit is a real one, belongs to Rosie ( who is a year 10 GCSE student) and she is bigger than one of our cats. (The rabbit and obviously Rosie, too.) Also, I noticed that she has HUGE feet (the rabbit, not Rosie)..so...

The cautionary tale of Blinkie the wandering rabbit.

Blinkie was not like the other rabbits of one's acquaintance. Oh no. SHE was bigger and stronger and rather more cunning, although it took her owner a long while to realise this. Oh yes - and she had strong legs and great big feet. These she would use well in her adventures, along with the fact that she was coal-black and surprisingly stealthy for one so, well, rabbity large.

A day like any other. Blinkie's routine involved a good scratch first thing, a bit of a lollop round her 'eglu'  - for she was a refined sort of rabbit and had a sort of chic lime green run, rather than a home made of wood slats and wire mesh, though she could have done without the chicken association: Blinkie knew all poultry to be stupid. Couldn't they at least make it look more like a rabbit dwelling? Today was going to be different, though. Because, when she was let out of her eglu and into the bright sunlight of the summer garden, she was going to spend some time hatching (chickens: again!) a plan. Today she was hell-bent on some particularly spectacular rebellion.

So, after the greens and the scratch and the morning cuddle with her owner and rub underneath the chin, she sat and thought. Or rather she sat and thought while chewing through the lower levels of the clematis montana and a couple of geranium plants. How could she have an adventure today? She thought all day as she scampered about. Then "That's it!"

Night fell. A visitor came for her owner in a car. Now or never. In a flash, Blinkie was out in the street, nipping under the side gate and in a flash she was in the car of the visitor. How opportune. Even managed to pinch a bit of money from the car's cash box before she settled down to hide in the back seat. Just before she eyeballed the child's booster seat in the front passenger seat of this conveniently compact car, that is. And so, later, when the visitor got back into the vehicle and settled herself down, turning the key in the ignition...Blinkie reared up on her giant feet and did her best the-evil-one-in-Watership-Down-impression. "Raaaaaaaaa!" Never had humankind shifted so quickly, she thought. "What a sight I must have been, hurtling towards her in the driving mirror!"

Of course, the keys were in the ignition, the car was running and it was the work of a moment to shift the child's booster seat to the driver's side. With a stretch of her absurdly long legs, Blinke could just get to the gas. So, without a moment to spare, she was off. While the owner of the car hyperventilated in the street with her back to her

So where first? Spend some cash. Lettuce! To the supermarket (she wasn't daft and knew that the grocer's would be closed.) Now, you would think that they might not take her cash but, dear reader, your food conglomerates will take cash from anyone. So, ignoring the stares and open mouths,  Blinkie sallied forth and  bought her lettuce, pausing also to buy a few more adventurous greens, such as a bit of pak choi. What? Does anyone want to eat the same leaves every day?

Now, for a giggle: "I need some stuff to go in the 'eglu' and some paint." So, some beach balls (Blinkie knew herself to be  dandy with her moves), exterior gloss paint, a boules set (do rabbits not need stimulation?) and, oh, a pint of beer! All were duly purchased, apart from the beer. She did have a conscience of sorts and knew not to drive after having after a drink. So, parking as neatly as a big black rabbit can, she tottered into the local pub and pointed to a local brew. She stretched out on a bar stool. People were staring, of course, but Blinkie could take it. And the funny thing was that she noticed some of the gentlemen in the pub give her sideways and then somewhat lingering looks. For yes: Blinkie --with her debonair stance and her glossy black fur- was a hit with the gents. They moved towards her, tickled her chin and admired her lovely coat, bought her drinks and she listened attentively and sensitively to what they told her. You know: things their wives just didn't understand; how they were bored, under-valued. Without speaking - because everybody knows that rabbits cannot speak human language- she made them feel like gods rather than workaday men..

Time to go.Our Blinkie patted the behinds of the gentlemen, gave them a low wolf whistle and they giggled and told  how they had really enjoyed having someone listen to and appreciate them. You might say she  was stringing them along, but Blinkie had no intention of exchanging phone numbers or anything. After all, it is a commonly known fact that rabbits will listen to human males but fall in love only with boy rabbits. But onwards!

Feeling a little light headed, Blinkie made her way home, remembering to remove the keys from the car and dragging the haul of shopping behind her. Returning home eventually, tired but glorious. Now, the house was in darkness, but Blinkie got to work: lay out the assorted leaves as a culinary hint for her owners (do I want iceberg every day, then? I should cocoa!), put the toys in a prominent position in the run (look! I too need diverse play and entertainment) and, finally, doing a DIY job so that the embarrassing 'eglu' sign (how the rabbits in the neighbourhood laughed at this!) was painted out, to be replaced with 'Blinkie: wererabbit, adventurer and hit with the boyz."

And so to bed, having thoughtfully thrown the keys through the letterbox. Blinkie knew she was a fine wandering rabbit. And what would tomorrow bring? Come to think of it: she could hear a little soft weeping from one of the bedrooms. Was it for her? A presumed missing rabbit. She'd like to be sympathetic, but just maybe she could turn this to her advantage....?

To be continued.

Rosie: I hope you liked this. Written in 20 minutes.

Thanks to Giosa Chivas for 'black rabbit' at www.flickr.com